Oops
by claire sorrentino
Summary: One late and stormy night Kisame goes to the Leaf Village on a secret mission. Send a leaf citizen into the past to deliver a message to Itachi—don't kill your family! Sadly for him, he runs into Sakura and Ino without headbands and mistakes them for citizens. When he sends them to be his delivery girls, he gets attacked by Tenten and Temari and sends them too. Oops.


Chapter One: The Sending

The sky after midnight was volatile. Through the towering columns of dark clouds stray beams of moonlight illuminated the empty streets. Here and there chains of windswept leaves twirled and whirled. The houses that lined Sakura Haruno's street were mostly dark, although a few houses had yellow light visible through half-closed shades.

Sakura lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. There was a thin, spidery crack running through it from when she'd first graduated from the Academy and tried walking on the ceiling. A miscalculation in her chakra had left a small flaw that had steady grown over the years. It was similar to the crack separating her from Sasuke Uchiha. Sasuke was her first crush and her first heartbreak. She could still remember the desperate crushing sensation in her chest when he'd left the Village, the inconsolable loneliness when Naruto had failed to bring him back the first time.

"Get a grip," she ordered herself. _You'll get Sasuke back!_ her inner voice added, but without any of its usual enthusiasm. She couldn't get a grip. All she could do was toss and turn and wish that she'd never met Sasuke, never declared that she loved him, and never chased after him in the first place. Taking a stand for him meant nothing but sacrifice and now, now she realized that it was a wasted sacrifice. Sasuke had greater feelings for Naruto than he ever did or ever would for her. She had greater feelings for Naruto than she ever did or ever would for Sasuke. But she was stuck. Stuck with her proclamations throughout her entire ninja career about how much she loved Sasuke. _Damn him_ , she thought. _And damn me too._

Abruptly sick of the whole thing, she pushed out of bed, dressing quickly in the dark and hopping out the window. Maybe a walk would shake her of this stupid funk. Maybe morning would bring the solution to her problem. Maybe the next time she met Sasuke she could hit him hard enough to either kill him or give him amnesia. Then she could bring him back to the Village. At this point, she didn't really care if she brought him back dead or alive.

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Across town, Ino Yamanaka left a late night dance hall. She wore a form fitting purple dress with an open back. Hooked casually in her fingers were a pair of matching stiletto heels that she'd gotten tired of wearing. She walked with a slight skip to her step, bare feet avoiding sharp rocks and bits of mud along the back road she was marching along. Ino's blonde hair was curled and loose. She loved the feel of it catching in the wind and fancied that she looked like a goddess out for a midnight stroll before a storm.

The seventeen year old ninja had just finished a date with Ilya Dov, a chunin a couple years older than her. He was cute, moderately talented, and rather boring. She'd met him at the hospital after the poor ninja nearly severed three of his own fingers by grabbing the wrong end of his kunai during a D-Rank mission when a stray dog barked from behind him. He'd told Ino she was gorgeous and asked her out. Even though she thought he was an idiot, she'd agreed. She wasn't the type of girl to turn down experience.

As she walked, she hummed a ditty and considered how she could apply her newfound kissing skills to Sai. The poor ninja was helpless when it came to relationships, and Ino felt it was only right that she do her part to help him learn. If she picked up a trick or two along the way . . . Well, she wasn't going to complain.

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Tenten cursed herself again. It was well after midnight and she'd just now finished her morning run. That was Neji's fault. Ever since he'd gone and gotten himself killed she'd had a difficult time with morning training. She'd got to the training haul and her throat would get stupid and tight. She hold a kunai and her wrists would ache and her eyes would mist. She couldn't throw for crap. She couldn't run either. The routine was ruined. Lee would take off in a green blur—just like always. But Neji wouldn't be there to make or receive a comment about how nice it was to have someone normal on the team.

The wind picked up, tossing a dry leaf in her sweaty face. She was on the east side of the village, in a residential section she normally never visited. Somewhere, hidden in the trees, some ridiculous birds started chirping. Didn't they know that it was night and morning was hours away? Didn't they know that Neji was dead and she didn't want to hear their chirping harmonies?

"Shut up," she whispered. She leapt into the tree, searching clumsily for the feathered nuisances. Neji stalked birds like a pro, but even though she could hear them, she couldn't see them. Frustrated, she drew her knees to her face and let the tears fall.

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Temari rolled her eyes. "I'm leaving now, Nara," she said pointedly. She was outside his house, the wind tugging at her blonde hair. The air smelled of the coming storm, a lush tang that she relished whenever she was in the Leaf. Storms in the desert didn't smell this damn good. She hoped to be gone from Shikamaru's before it hit. Walking in the rain was a luxury she didn't want to explain to him. She'd said goodbye over four hours earlier and still hadn't managed to leave. "I'm leaving," she repeated.

"So I hear," the Nara heir drawled. He started to walk away, then paused, fixing her with level dark eyes. "Don't come back to early."

Temari smirked as he yawned. "I'll be back before dawn," she informed him. "We have to finalize the last preparations for the chunin exam. Security is going to be key here considering that Naruto is planning on retaking."

Shikamaru yawned again. "The exam's four months away. Even the security concerns can wait for a decent hour."

"I agree."

"Hm, that's . . . good," Shikamaru said. He didn't sound surprised or excited about her agreement. Temari supposed he expected her to say or do something to make her agreement pointless. He was right of course.

"I'll still be here before dawn," she said sweetly. "If you're tired it's your own damn fault. You shouldn't have kept yourself up so late."

"Hey, wait," Shikamaru protested. But the blonde sand kunoichi had already vanished into the night. He yawned again and headed back in, muttering, "Troublesome," under his breath.

Temari suppressed a delighted laugh. Something about Shikamaru impressed her too damn much. Kankuro had already warned her about this. Shikamaru was a Leaf Ninja through and through. If she fell for him she was dooming herself. Because she loved the Sand more than the Leaf. Loved the dry, hot air. Loved the scorching sun blistering her skin. Loved the feel of sand . . . everywhere.

The rain started to fall, gently at first and she sighed, tilting her head to the heavens. She thought she might just love this more and the thought terrified her.

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Sakura rolled up an east side street just as it started to rain. "Perfect," she muttered. "Just perfect." She broke into a brief sprint, reaching a huge oak tree with canopy like branches. The grass was long and cool underfoot and tickled her toes. She leaned against the tree, crossing her arms across her stomach. She would wait out the storm here.

At first she was thinking about attack strategies to counter Sasuke. Kakashi frequently won fights by outsmarting his opponents, using their own skills against them. He had the Sharingan of course, an advantage that Sasuke shared, but then again, Shikamaru frequently won fights against more powerful ninja using just his brain . . . and his special jutsu. Hell, even Nartuo had a special jutsu. Maybe that's what she needed. A new jutsu. She'd call it the Sasuke-deflator. It'd suck his ego out and he'd be a normal person for a minute. Then she'd pound his face . . .

The rain increased its intensity.

For a few seconds, Sakura watched as the streets turned into a torrent of gray lines. A blurry figure appeared, moving swiftly toward her. Sakura reached for her ninja tools and realized that she'd left them at home along with her headband. She stepped into a fighting stance, jaw tight. But when the figure got closer she relaxed.

"Hey Ino," she said.

"Ugh," Ino groaned. Her curled hair was a mess and her dress had huge dark splotches from the rain. "What are you doing here?"

"Avoiding the rain."

"I mean what are you doing out here. It's so late."

"What are you doing out so late?" Sakura countered.

"I," Ino said, with some pride, "am on my way home from a date. With an older ninja, if you must know."

Sakura snorted. She'd heard Ino agree to go on her date. "Does he count as a ninja if he cuts his own fingers off?"

"Almost cuts his own fingers off," Ino corrected. "And if the headband fits and isn't stolen, then yes, he counts as a ninja. I checked the books in Lady Tsunade's Office too."

Sakura shrugged. "He's no Sasuke."

"I know," Ino said. "He's _still_ in the village."

Before Sakura could respond, another figure approached from the rain-soaked streets. Unlike Ino, this figure was taller and not hurrying. There was something almost hypnotically familiar about him. Both kunoichi fell silent, observing his approach.

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Tenten didn't see the ninja approaching. Over the sound of the rain, she didn't even hear Ino and Sakura sniping each other below her branch. She was lost in her own world of hurt, trying to make sense of Neji's death. The unfairness of it was driving her insane. She wanted to scream, to cry, to die instead of him. How could Neji be dead? How? He was the best Team Gai had to offer. If someone should have died, it should have been her. She was the weak one.

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Temari tailed after a masked chakra presence. She'd almost reached her hotel when she'd thought she'd seen the cheerful red clouds adorning an Akatsuki cloak. When she looked again, the figure was gone, but she could still sense the chakra. She closed in, wondering if her eyes were just tired or if things were about to get very, very deadly tonight. _No one would attack her Village_ . . . She grimaced at the thought and mentally corrected herself. _No one would attack the Village she was allies with_. As a sand ninja it was her responsibility to risk her life for this damned Village Hidden in the Leaves.

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The ninja's name was Kisame. He was with the Akatsuki and most days wouldn't be caught dead inside the Hidden Leaf Village. Tonight was different though. Tonight he needed help from a leaf citizen. Not a ninja. No, a ninja would never work. Someone a little less forceful and a little more fearful would be preferable. He'd spotted a beautiful looking blonde woman and followed her a bit, rehearsing his lines. She'd met up with a sullen looking girl with . . . reddish colored hair? He couldn't be sure in the dark and wet. It didn't matter. The other girl didn't have a headband or anything signifying she was a ninja.

He emerged from the rain, invading the relative dryness the tree offered. "Good evening, girls," he said. He was wearing his black cloak with red clouds on it. His fingernails were painted black or dark purple depending on the preferences of the viewer. He had a sharkish grin and menacing eyes.

Both girls fell back, instantly, Sakura reaching for kunai she didn't have and Ino lifting her hands into a heart-shape.

"No need to be afraid," Kisame said quickly. "I'm, ahem, a leaf ninja, as you can see." He pointed at his stolen headband. It bore the leaf symbol. He felt this part of his plan would ease any anxiety his sudden appearance would have. He'd only left his cloak on because he thought it was ridiculous that a memo hadn't been passed around everywhere saying something like _Beware the Red Cloud, Black Cape and all who wear it_. What was the point of a uniform designed to invoke fear if only a handful of people actually experienced such fear? But no matter the citizens he'd chosen didn't seem relieved he had a leaf headband.

Sakura's green eyes narrowed. Ino rolled her eyes, "Oh, well, that makes everything better," she said sarcastically. "Haha, you startled us. We don't usually run into ninjas—."

The rouge ninja snorted. "Well, frankly I find that unlikely considering this is a Hidden Village. Haha." He cleared his throat. "Here's the thing. I'm on a bit of a deadline and it turns out that I can't do what I thought I could do, so you two are going to have to do it for me."

"We're not doing anything for you," both ninjas said simultaneously.

"It's just a delivery," Kisame said. He held up a sealed scroll. "Can you bring this to the Uchiha District? Give it to a ninja by the name of Itachi."

"Itachi is dead," Sakura said flatly. The reports of Sasuke finally avenging his family had reached the Leaf weeks earlier.

"Well, duh, I know that he's dead _now_ ," the ninja snapped. He seemed to disappear and reappear right in front of Sakura. "I want you to deliver it to him in the _morning_ though. Haha. Bet that doesn't make sense right now." He pressed the scroll into her hand and then stepped back quickly. "Believe it or not, I'm sorry about the trouble I'm about to cause. But no matter. Sometimes . . ." He snorted. "I'm getting old and sentimental or something." He started making hand signs.

Sakura moved closer to Ino. "We'll have to act fast."

"Agreed," Ino said.

Kisame finished his hands signs. "Don't forget. Itachi only," he said. Then he vanished before Ino and Sakura's eyes.

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Tenten dropped from the tree as the two kunoichi disappeared. She flung a handful of kunai at the Akatsuki, making him hop backward, cursing. He ran into a gust of wind that sent him flying toward Tenten. Temari landed behind him, fan out.

"Oh tuna poop," he muttered. "You two really don't need to get bent out of shape. I'm not doing anything particularly heinous today."

"Shut it," Tenten snarled. She started unfurling one large weapons scroll, preparing to blitz him with the sharpest, pointiest objects she owned.

Temari didn't say anything. She just attacked.

Kisame avoided both attacks, but cringed when the towering oak tree toppled with the force of Temari's attack. Both kunoichi moved to keep him pinned between their attacks. "This is where Itachi would come in handy," Kisame muttered. He needed to get the hell out of the village before an alarm was raised, but neither ninja looked like she would lie down and die quietly or even run away whimpering. He considered his options and decided that the quietest way to handle the situation would be to send them to their deaths—at the hands of leaf ninja.

He made the same hand signs as earlier, calling on his immense stores of chakra. He hit Tenten first and she vanished. Hitting the sand ninja was a touch harder because his chakra was running low. But when he hit her, she vanished too. He sighed dramatically and decided that maybe he should turn his cloak inside out. There was no way they would have recognized him as an Akatsuki if he wasn't wearing such an iconic symbol of his villainy. He'd work on inspiring fear in everyone with just his cloak a different day. Preferably one where he'd had time to restore his chakra reserves.


End file.
